Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
