First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
