I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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