On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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