I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
