I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize