what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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