did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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