he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
