I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
