Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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