Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
