i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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