My Higher Power is John Stamos
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
