Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
