Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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