At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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