just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
