Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
