I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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