Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
