Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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