I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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