At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Randomize
