I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
