You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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