my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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