I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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