Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
