I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
