weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
