smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"it" just moved
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
