just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
