I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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