I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
only you would photoshop your dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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