So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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