You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
