He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
