Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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