dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
