i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
