I CAN MOONWALK!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
