i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
