haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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