Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize