I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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