I just threw up on my dentist
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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