Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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