The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
