Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
