There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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