I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't deserve a penis
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
