I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
