I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
