Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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