you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
