My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
