direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
don't judge my taste in strippers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
