You made me cry and you don't even care
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
