We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
