Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
