I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
