Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
