i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
