it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
