I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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