apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
