remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
