Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
