I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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