i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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