I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
