Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
