I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
