it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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